Thursday 25

Another day another try at standing up and taking off that heavy coat of self pity, allowing the sadness of loss, but choosing faith in the unknown over waiting for sympathy, or wishing for others help when I don’t let help in. I don’t know the answers and it takes practice not to go scrambling for them when you suddenly feel that deep loss of self. It’s the self that’s left that goes scrambling for what disappeared, and it takes a lot of a much bigger strength -or the belief in that much bigger strength even when you can’t feel it- to see the peace that never leaves. Over time there is less of me around, and more space to be filled up with that bigger strength. And more space for music, as i become the instrument. But for now, discipline and quiet faith. Life is long and full of days, hours and minutes, to fail with, to learn from and to be with.

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